I am 51 years old and at the beginning of this year I came to a point where I was totally broken. I didn’t know God personally, only recently started reading the bible, and generally lived my life the way I wanted to and out of my own resources. My worth was based on the opinions of others, and given that my wife and I were separated, I had no worth. I was living in shame and sin, and was so broken and fearful, I couldn’t even make simple decisions. I was living my life out of fear, afraid of losing my marriage, my son, being found out as very flawed. I was not transparent, pretending everything was ok, when nothing was ok. I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing. I was not in touch with my feelings and avoided feeling. I escaped reality by not addressing things. I was insecure in myself and unable to encourage and celebrate others. My wife was hurting emotionally and suffering from an autoimmune disease, and I was unable to support her. I was afraid, overwhelmed, anxious and depressed. I was ashamed of how I lived my life and guilt-ridden over my sins and who I was and what I was lacking. I was lost. I knew God was my only hope, my only answer.
Through God’s providence, a friend of a friend knew of and referred me to my discipleship counselor at Abundant Grace. He has helped me understand that God is all I need and that God was waiting for me with open arms. I was saved on January 20, 2015. We shared tears of joy that day. It is overwhelming to think of the depths of God’s grace and forgiveness that he has poured out for me. I am learning to identify and untangle all the lies and flesh patterns that I was believing and living, and moving towards truths and spirit-led behaviors. To replace my fears with trust. I am learning to trust that I am forgiven, and I am worthy of being called a child of God, and that God is involved and is guiding me, and has a plan for my life. That he loves me, just as I am. It is so reassuring to think that he is always with me, always there, and he knows what is best for me. The truths and stories of the bible have come alive for me, and are so nourishing.
I am so thankful for God’s grace and mercy, and that my eternal life is secure, and that Christ lives in me. There is so much that needs to change, but I am determined, with God’s continued grace and guidance, to be a better husband, a better father, a better person. To be an example of the power of his great mercy and love, and to live a life that is worthy of all that Jesus has done for me.
~ Bob ~